Christmas Dinner Hosting Etiquette Tips From Lisa Burdette

Welcome to Burdet-tiquette, where Lisa Burdette, founder of The Dallas School of Etiquette and a mother of six with global expertise, answers your questions on the art of courtesy.

Christmas is rapidly approaching, and many will be planning to host family, friends, and guests this holiday season.

Hosting the “perfect” Christmas dinner is ideal, as you will create a joyful environment for all guests. However, emphasize instead doing the best you can to make your home warm and welcoming. This is best achieved with planning ahead.

Here are some tips to help as you prepare for the big day…

Pre-Holiday Event Preparations

First, plan a theme for the dinner. This year, my theme will be “The Gingerbread House,” with all guests receiving a wrapped gingerbread man. Each place setting will have a tiny, wrapped gift as well as placecard with the guest’s name.
The menu, theme, and gifts should be planned 3 to 6 weeks out. This gives you time to put everything together efficiently. Make plans that allow for any Amazon backorders or “sold out” items. Have a backup resource for every item you intend to buy.
Make sure to send out an invitation that lets guests know the where, what, and when for the dinner. This invite can be an email or a printed note sent through the mail and should be sent two weeks before the event. Include a menu and schedule of the day in your invitation and request any dietary restrictions so you can revise your menu to accommodate all needs. If you ask your guests to help or bring an item, give them at least a two-week notice.
Set aside a day to grocery shop and a day to cook and plan. Freeze some of your “make-ahead” dishes. Set your table before the “day of” so you have time to think through what goes where. I encourage lights and music. Always set candles on the table to create ambience. Remember, though, that décor and music take second and third place to the food.
Use a full set of silverware and lay out each utensil in the proper placement on the table.
Fold all napkins properly.
Work to create an atmosphere of peace, love, and joy. May your guests feel this peace, love and joy when they arrive.
Display photos of past Christmases.
Prepare for children at your dinner by creating a special children’s table. This will allow them to eat where they are comfortable and can spill things where it isn’t a problem.
Give yourself time before everyone arrives to pray, meditate, and give thanks to God above for all. Ask God to help your spirit to radiate with joy as you interact with guests.
Make sure your home smells like Christmas. Try to bake something that morning that will fill the house with the smell of Christmas.
Have your fireplace burning. If you use real wood, make sure you have plenty of chopped wood to get you through the day.

Suggestions for Entertainment

First and foremost, worship together at church. Make sure you have a time to stop and pause in recognition of the holiday being celebrated.
Play games together, such as Christmas Bingo or Charades.
Sing songs.

Christmas Day Tips

On Christmas Day, your preparations will pay off, and you’ll be free to mingle with guests. Do not talk to any one person too long. Move around and make sure you speak to everyone present.

Remember to set out appetizers before guests arrive. Be certain to have a punch bowl for an arrival drink.

Dress in your best and meet and greet at the door. Make eye contact and, if the arriving guests are relatives, give them a hug or kiss (whatever your culture permits). Regardless, just make efforts to connect and engage with all guests from the first second they arrive at your door.

Have fun, sing, and find things to tell your family members how much they mean to you. My husband’s family has everyone share for five minutes about what they have done in the past year. My family shares five things they are thankful for and who and what has made a difference in their lives. Have a sharing time between your main course and dessert.

As you interact with guests, avoid asking personal questions that might make them uncomfortable. This may include probing about relationships, jobs, finances or school choices.

Many will partake of drinks and wine with their meal. Keep in mind, never consume more than one or two glasses of wine or spirited beverage. Be sure to offer cider, coffee or perhaps dessert drinks. Just be sure to cater to all.

To recap, below is a summary of the tips for hosts…

Tips for Hosts

Prepare a menu and schedule for the day.
Send out your invitation 2 weeks ahead of time.
Have your menu, guest lists and gift lists organized in a notebook.
Have a small welcome gift for all guests.
Allow your family members to see their names on a place card or gift.
Have music playing and use holiday decor with lights everywhere.
Dress in your holiday best attire.
Greet all guests at the door with eye contact, a smile, handshake, hug or kiss, as appropriate.
Give all guests directions and offer hors d’oeuvres. Have drinks and perhaps a punch bowl with frozen cherries in the middle.
Be sure all presents are wrapped, and always have extra gifts wrapped on hand in case you have an extra guest.

Tips for Guests

Wait for the host to say grace before you start eating.
Eat with your mouth closed.
Do not ask for “seconds” until you are certain that everyone has been served.
Mind your manners!
- Dress in your “Sunday Best” when going for Christmas dinner.
- Always pass food to the right.
- Pass the salt and pepper shakers together.
Be sure to take a hostess gift with you. Most hostesses do not want wine, flowers or candy. Be creative and think about the interests of the person making the dinner.
Always write a Thank You note to the hostess.

Remember the reason for the season. The most memorable dinners will stand out because of the company and conversation, not the decor, food or hors d’oeuvres. People will remember how they were made to feel.

Happy Holidays to all and Merry Christmas!

Lisa Burdette is the founder of The Dallas School of Etiquette, where she trains everyone from executives to cadets in the timeless art of courtesy. A mother of six and a graduate of Auburn University, she has studied etiquette in London, Paris, Washington, and beyond. She believes true etiquette isn’t about being fancy — it’s about how you make people feel.

Missed the last column? Click here to read: Burdet-tiquette: Dietary Divas? How To Feed Your Picky Holiday Crew