One of the most misunderstood words in the Bible may be submission.
“Submit yourselves to your own husbands” (1 Peter 3:1, NIV).
People hear that verse and imagine a husband getting his way. But Pastor Josh Howerton of Lakepointe Church explains biblical leadership very differently: It is not about gaining more power. It means accepting more responsibility.
A husband must love his family the way Jesus loved the church. Think about what that actually means. Christ did not dominate the church. He died for her. Husbands and wives have equal value, but as Howerton puts it, they are “equals, but not equivalents.” They can carry different responsibilities while having equal worth.
I get to watch this play out in my own home. My mother is extremely smart and headstrong. So is her husband, my Poppy. They do not always agree. My mother draws some pretty firm lines when it comes to parenting my sister and me, and more often than not, my Poppy respects her judgment even when he might have handled something differently. He trusts her with our upbringing. He trusts her judgment on financial and strategic matters. She has helped move their money into successful investments and business engagements, and he repeatedly asks her to join important business discussions because he values what she brings to them.
Leadership does not require diminishing someone else’s strengths. But I have also watched what happens when they genuinely disagree. When my Poppy believes something is not in our family’s best interest, often because he believes protecting family time needs to come first, my mother prays about it and ultimately respects his leadership.
Sometimes I can tell that is difficult for her. That is actually what makes it meaningful. Submission is not submission when you already agree. And leadership is not leadership if you are unwilling to sacrifice for the people you are asking to follow you.
Our family’s answer to disagreement is not supposed to be: Who can win the argument? It is really: What does God want us to do?
Leading a household is also a lot less glamorous than people make it sound. It means working. Providing. Serving. Preparing. Protecting. Teaching. And accepting responsibility when something goes wrong. My Poppy has spent hours preparing Scripture that we must memorize because he wants to equip us with verses we can actually use when we are adults.
My mother reminds me that she is raising me to become the head of my own household one day. The older I get, the more I realize that is not a promise of authority. It is a warning about responsibility. Scripture repeatedly describes that responsibility:
- Ephesians 5:25: Husbands must love their wives as Christ loved the church.
- Joshua 24:15: “As for me and my house, we will serve the LORD.”
- 1 Timothy 5:8: Believers must provide for and care for their households.
- Proverbs 20:7: A righteous man who walks in integrity leaves a blessing for his children.
- 1 Corinthians 16:13-14: Stand firm. Be courageous. Be strong. And do everything in love.
In another message, Pastor Howerton made a point I think our generation needs to hear.
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A husband may work six days a week because that is what his family needs and his wife supports that arrangement. Another marriage may decide that being physically present more often is more important. A husband and wife work out those decisions within their marriage. But the responsibility does not disappear.
And that brings me to a question I cannot stop thinking about: If men are called to sacrificially lead, provide, protect, serve and spiritually strengthen their families, why do our generation and the generations before us seem increasingly uncomfortable asking men to do hard things?
I have written before about resisting weakness as AI makes life easier. Technology can order our food, write our emails, drive our cars, answer our questions and increasingly do parts of our jobs. But convenience has a danger.
When life requires less from us, we can start requiring less from ourselves. Our generation has even made laziness funny. But your family does not need a man who only does difficult things when he feels motivated and well-rested.
They need someone dependable. Someone willing to work when he is tired. Someone willing to sacrifice when it is inconvenient. Someone willing to pray when he does not know the answer. Someone strong enough to listen to his wife. Someone humble enough to admit when she is right. And someone courageous enough to accept responsibility when a decision ultimately rests on his shoulders.
The world is becoming easier. If God gives you a family one day, leadership will not mean they exist to serve you. It will mean you have been entrusted with a life spent serving them.
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About Future Voices: Future Voices is a Sunday-morning column in The Dallas Express in which young Texans share how faith and perseverance shape their lives. These stories remind readers that God often speaks through the honesty and courage of the next generation.
