A Concerned Parent Asks: What If My Child Does Not Believe?

Louis,

First, you’re doing a great job with your Future Voices column. I read it every week, and I’m continually impressed by how thoughtful and grounded in faith you are, especially at your age. I’m hoping you might be able to help me with something.

My daughter is in high school, and she has been very open with me about the fact that she doesn’t believe in God, at least not in the way I do. I was raised Catholic and am still finding my own way through my spiritual journey, so hearing this from her scares me more than I’d like to admit.

I want to talk to her about it, but more importantly, I want to understand her. I don’t know if this is something she is hearing from friends or at school, if she is questioning faith as part of growing up, or if this is simply what she genuinely believes right now. And I don’t want to dismiss her feelings by assuming I know the answer.

As her mom, I want everything good in this world for her. My faith has been such an important source of strength, hope, and guidance in my own life that it’s difficult for me to imagine her navigating life without that same foundation.

Because you’re closer to her age and have such a strong faith of your own, I would really value your perspective. How can I have this conversation in a way that doesn’t feel judgmental or like I’m trying to lecture her? How do I make sure she hears the love behind my concern while also giving her the space to tell me what she believes and why?

If you have any advice, even just a few words about how someone your age might want a parent to approach a conversation like this, I would be incredibly grateful.

Thank you, Louis. And please keep writing. Your voice matters.

A Concerned Parent

Louis responds

Dear Concerned Parent,

Thank you for reaching out and for reading my articles each week. It means more to me than you know. I do not think I am necessarily qualified to give you advice, but I do want to try.

If your child does not currently have a relationship with God, I do not think forcing God or Jesus on them will create one. Instead, pray for them. Every day. Pray that they will come to know Jesus in their own way and in God’s timing.

I think one of the most important things you can do as a parent is show them what faith looks like instead of only telling them what it should look like. Drop little pieces of Jesus into their life rather than pouring a whole bucket on them at once.

One thing my mom does is reflect out loud when she messes up. If she has been impatient, rude, sleep-deprived or handled something badly, she admits it and holds herself accountable. I think seeing someone try to live their faith, even imperfectly, can sometimes teach you more than being told what to believe.

Ask God to reveal Himself to your child, first through you and then through the world around them. As a teenager, your child is also becoming more independent and beginning to figure out who they are and what they believe for themselves. Take it slowly and be patient with them.

When they come home upset about a friend or someone at school, use those moments to pour forgiveness, boundaries, grace and empathy into their minds and hearts instead of allowing their hearts to harden. Tell them about times when you have been the person who hurt someone else, too. S

how them how communication and forgiveness can repair relationships, and that sometimes a healthy boundary or some space is necessary. They can learn to do that with love, too.

And remember that God may be doing something through this season that neither of you can see yet. Maybe part of His purpose is not only helping your child grow, but helping you grow alongside them.

Respectfully,

Louis Darrouzet II

If you want to submit an article to this column, please follow the attached document.

Email [email protected] with any questions.

Future_Voices_Contributor_Guide_2025.