Opinion: The Enablers – A Judicial Nightmare

Court trial
Court of Law trial | Image by Gorodenkoff

According to the Cambridge Dictionary an enabler is:

“someone who allows or makes it possible for another person to behave in a way that damages that person: He accepts his responsibility as the enabler of many of his wife’s problems.”

Cambridge Dictionary also says that the definition of judicial is this:

“relating to or done by courts or judges or the part of a government responsible for the legal system: the judicial branch of government.”

If you think about this in terms of helping victims of domestic violence in the United States of America our judicial system is clearly not doing their job properly, especially because they are enabling the abusers to continue abusing their victims.

On any given day you can go on Twitter, or on Facebook, and you will find post after post of not only the victims of abuse talking about Family Court, but you will find experts too.

Recently with the reauthorization of the Violence Against Women’s Act there has not been much progress in each state despite there being federal funds to make things happen. The questions are why not, and just what are these states waiting for? Why does another victim of domestic violence have to die?

I am not just talking about the children who are greatly harmed by this, but the single victims as well. All people who are experiencing abuse need the proper help.

Think about this the VAWA was not reauthorized from 2019 to 2022, and in that time frame many victims of abuse died at the hands of their abusers. Many more will continue to die, and to greatly suffer, because Congress is leaving it up to each individual state to make their own decisions. While very few have acted, despite having the federal funds to do this, many just sit and wait. What is it exactly that they are waiting for? Congress, along with the President can no longer afford to find this acceptable. America needs federal domestic violence laws. This will ensure that our judicial system is held to a much higher standard. Then finally victims of abuse will get the help that they desperately need. Judges will no longer be able to do whatever they want, and this is what victims of abuse want. They want help. They certainly do not want to be abused even further by the very people who should be helping.

While we are supposed to be the greatest country in the world we sorely lack an understanding of just how detrimental this all is not only for the victims, but for their children too. People have a tendency to want to separate the victims of abuse from their children. Their children are also victims of abuse. Judges can not afford to be blinded by the coercive control of an abuser, especially when there are signs right in front of them.

Recently an article was written talking about judicial system.

I do not disagree that our judges are abusers, because I believe that if you enable the abuse to continue, especially when clearly you have the power to stop it, then you are “The Worst Abuser You Could Ever Have.”

Judges cannot play both sides, especially not when you are talking about domestic violence. All fairness should go out the window, because you are not only putting lives at risk, but you are also giving the abusers the green light to continue down the same path of their abuse. In almost all situations the abuse gets much worse after the victims leave. It is called Post Separation Abuse. While I know this is in the United Kingdom post separation abuse is best explained here by DV-ACT. Which is.

“DV-ACT are a team of domestic abuse experts, available throughout the UK, who have worked in the domestic abuse sector for many years.”

Post separation abuse is very real. In some cases the post separation can be worse than when the victim was with their abuser, because abusers do not like being told what to do. They will stop at nothing to get what they want, and judges enable this too by allowing them to continue file paperwork after paperwork just to prevent them from being told what to do. Very few Family Court judges will enforce their own orders, and when they will not do this the victims suffer even further.

Economic abuse can cause homelessness, and this is yet another thing that judges can, and should be addressing, but for whatever reason they still aren’t.

As I have said there are many experts who can help the judges, the district attorneys, law enforcement, and yes this includes their staff too, but for whatever reason they don’t utilize these agencies. Why is that? Like the link above for example. Who is going to require that not only must they all be properly educated about any, and all aspects of domestic violence, but that it be mandatory that they properly help all victims of abuse?

I have said in past articles that I have written that until there are federal domestic violence laws, and victims are not required to rely on their own states, nothing is going to change enough to help the victims. When will Congress act on this? Why must there be another gap in years before this is accomplished? It is not as if Congress hasn’t known about these things happening for years even prior to 2019, because domestic violence has been a word that has been used for decades. Many victims of abuse fight together as groups daily to get some sort of action concerning better laws. Why must it always be that unless this is happening to you it isn’t happening? Yes sometimes petitions have worked, but again why should victims of abuse have to rely on this when their federal government should be helping them?

Contact the President, the Vice President, members of Congress, and yes it helps to contact your local representatives too, but make sure that they understand it’s up to them to push Congress to act immediately on these federal domestic violence laws, and not to keep the victims of abuse waiting any longer. No more victims of domestic violence should have to die. As we are told we are supposed to be the greatest nation in the world. We aren’t, especially if we can’t even properly protect all victims of domestic violence.

This article is called “The Enablers” for a reason. Congress you are enabling this abuse to continue when you, along with the Attorney Generals, the DAs, law enforcement, and especially the judges have the power to help the victims of abuse. Congress you, and our President have the power to end this abuse. What exactly are you waiting for? I am sure that not only victims of abuse would like you to answer this, but other people would as well.

When victims are left in poverty conditions, because judges refuse to help this adversely effects us as a Nation. Everyone knows that when all people thrive then the economy fairs much better, because people are able to spend more. Stop enabling domestic violence, and instead help. Do better, and do it immediately. Stop waiting. People do not want to read anymore about another victim of domestic violence dying at the hands of their abusers. We also do not want to read about another family being left homeless, and all because a judge refused to address the domestic violence situation properly.

Just as I was beginning to end my writing I see this come across my phone.

Yet another victim who should have been properly protected who clearly wasn’t. Yet another senseless death at the hands of an abuser. His own sister.

If it’s not her it’s another woman, or it’s a mom who is forced to leave her children, because of some judge who instead of protecting them the abuser is protected. Yes I have also said this too that men can be victims, and I am not excluding them. What I am saying is this….

Mr. President, and Congress you should no longer enable these abusers, but instead act now to ensure there are proper federal domestic violence laws. Consult with experts, and by all means consult with the actual victims of abuse. The victims are living this judicial nightmare, so they know how to get the help that is greatly needed.

After this was published I learned new information from the State Commission on Judicial Conduct.
“The process for filing a complaint has changed. The Commission no longer accepts electronic submissions. (They must be mailed.) Additionally, complaints must now be sworn. The Commission made this change in order to more timely investigate complaints at current staffing levels.”
In learning about their new procedure to file a complaint against a judge I can unequivocally say that this only serves even further to harm victims of domestic violence. Not forgetting anyone else who might be attempting to make it known that a judge is not doing their job as they should be. The SCJC is responsible for helping all Texans, and they just made it even more difficult for you to be able to hold judges accountable in the State of Texas.

Lilli is a Mom, a Photographer, and an Advocate for victims of domestic abuse, and animal rights. She and her child are victims of domestic abuse.

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  1. will

    “…all fairness should go out the window…” Really?

    • Survivor

      Yes, it should. Abusers are controlling, diabolical lying, manipulators, able to work a room, if you will. At the end of the day, when someone has the courage to come forward for help, the protections should begin at that moment. In Texas victims are warned by attorneys “ You do not speak of the abuse in Court. You will lose your children if you do.” If you think an abuser deserves mercy, where is the mercy for the victims? Let me ask you Will…are you an abuser? If so, I hope you get some help, your victims deserve better!

  2. Ann

    Much needed education on coercive control for family court professionals! It’s a never ending battle for many victims and their children. These abusers take away so much from their “family “ without hesitation. Thank you for this article! More awareness needs to be brought in a big way!


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