I have been traveling on a tilt as of late, unsteady whips of reality mixed with the occasional calm.
I have come close to becoming a cynic… close enough to recoil from the thought of who I could be if I continued to carry such thoughts covered in gasoline… waiting for a spark.
It appears I have woken into a very long day that has lasted most of the year, and there is little rest to be found.
What is to bring comfort feels more like a pebble than a pillow.
The respite is short, and the schedule is full.
I do try, I really do, to be positive; however, I hear myself betraying my tries, and this brings an unspoken sadness and added exhaustion.
It is easy to be positive in the sunlight.
I have not fully experienced a peaceful afternoon for much too long, and I am jealous of my imagination when it conjures such a day.
Something must change, as I do not wish to keep waiting for the other shoe to drop.
As such, I have decided to go barefoot.
Rather than sidestepping, tiptoeing, or thrashing through the brush with a dread of what will be found or lost, I will redirect my thoughts to God and ground my feet to Earth.
Walking on the natural path of what is true, honest, just, pure, lovely, of good report, of any virtue, and with praise, as shared in Philippians 4:8, I will begin to free myself from the agonizing fear and frustration of living in a world where so much is out of my control.
I have learned that being prepared and positioned to encounter the day armed with faith and hope doesn’t mean the day will go well.
Days can go terribly wrong, other times, wonderfully well. Extremes exist, which is why the mundane can sometimes feel like peace.
I must practice walking with the Lord in peace, love, joy, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control (see Galatians 5:22-24).
But experience has taught me that I cannot do this for any length of time nor with any measure of success if my nerves are wrapped tight, threading needles of distrust and disappointment.
Therefore, I must release my woes and weariness, stop bracing for impact, and give Jesus space to move.
He understands.
He knows the way.
He knows that when I am feeling angry or impatient, I am really feeling helpless and tired.
I’ve been guilty, at times, of being so overwhelmed with what needs to be done and what’s going wrong that even the blessings have dulled, coming in and out of my view in haste, only to become an afterthought that I later panged myself for not fully appreciating.
God, forgive me.
Where are my feet planted? In the gospel of peace or in the thicket of thorns of flesh?
I can still be at peace in the Lord while wrestling with my humanness, only by His help — His grace, mercy, love, and strength.
Christ Himself wore thorns and bled from beatings He didn’t want. Yet, He still worshiped His Father, even while His wounds were pulsing.
May I not strive to be less of me and more like Him? To glorify God even in the midst of suffering?
One of our greatest resources is praise, and it is endless if used.
In praise, I cannot help but have a greater vision of who Christ is and who I am to Christ. In this, what ails me becomes no less significant or painful, but rather less of a focal point.
I am grateful, even on days when being positive feels forced.
Recognizing the many struggles of this year, I do so with humbled adoration because I also recognize that God saw me through each and every one. Each and every one.
What is still to come will surely carry its own weight.
Yet, I know from experience God can carry more than what the world gives me, what my mind conceives to distress me, and even what I can attempt to shoulder myself.
In this truth, I set my feet upon the Earth, which God created, using the time and talents He provided to faithfully follow His lead.
I extend my focus to the One who wore a crown of thorns for my eternal freedom.
May I honor Him today by doing my best to live into this freedom in peace, as Christ’s sacrifice was meant for all of us. I must live like it means something… everything… because it does.
“But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us” Romans 5:8.