Welcome to Burdet-tiquette, where Lisa Burdette, founder of The Dallas School of Etiquette and a mother of six with global expertise, answers your questions on the art of courtesy.

Reader Question: Rebecca, 52 

My neighbors have lived in their home for years but their yard is a constant mess—trash scattered about, weeds in the flower beds, grass rarely cut, and no real improvements ever made. The couple is wealthy and able-bodied, so it’s not a hardship issue. Our HOA is essentially nonfunctional, and their yard has become an eyesore for the entire street. What is the courteous way to approach them about this without causing hostility?

Lisa’s Response

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My first approach would be to make a friendly visit to your neighbors to see if they are experiencing any hardship. You may see your neighbors as wealthy and able-bodied individuals, but you never know what is going on in their lives. They may be dealing with illness, depression or just the cares of life and are too overwhelmed to even think about their yard.  Sometimes, all a person needs is a little boost of encouragement.

By approaching your neighbors in a friendly manner, you are reaching out to help.  Offer to clean the yard yourself. Or reach out to your other neighbors and surprise this family with a clean-up. Big things can happen if we just make efforts to solve the problem.

Do the Unexpected for the Undeserving: Serve Your Neighbor

  1. Pick up their trash.
  2. Clean up the weeds and mow the grass.
  3. Write a note to your neighbors. Kindly mention that you surmised that they needed help and your desire by picking up around the yard was to help them with the requirements of the HOA.
  4. Get involved in your HOA and bring it to life! Contact them in writing about your interests.
  5. Call a neighborhood meeting to gain support.
  6. Take dinner to your neighbors.
  7. Encourage all your neighbors to reach out to this household as friendly neighbors.
  8. Call a meeting with all members of the HOA.
  9. After all methods to help have been exhausted with no change, a fine would be appropriate.

Sometimes, doing the unexpected for the undeserving becomes contagious and you will set an example for helping others. You can create change! Friendly neighbors create a friendly place. Who does not want to live in a friendly neighborhood? When we look at others with a servant’s heart, culture changes and the light of hope shines brightly.

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