Welcome to Burdet-tiquette, where Lisa Burdette, founder of The Dallas School of Etiquette and a mother of six with global expertise, answers your questions on the art of courtesy.
Have an etiquette question? Send your etiquette dilemmas to [email protected].
Reader Question: Samantha, 41
At work, I never feel like myself. I avoid talking about my personal life in a corporate environment focused on numbers and investments. How can I know when it’s appropriate to relax with colleagues and be more open? Can we ever talk more like friends, or should I always stay guarded?
Remember, people need people…no matter what profession you may be in. By avoiding connections with colleagues, you might be cheating yourself of relationships that enhance your profession. Nothing has ever been able to replace or even come close to a replacement for the human being.
Tips for Connecting with Co-Workers
While working with numbers and investments, it is essential to stay focused. However, building relationships with colleagues can enhance your professional and personal life.
Start your day with three things…eye contact, a warm smile, and when appropriate, a handshake or a simple nod of your head. Greetings are a great way to start your day! Greet all your colleagues and offer warm introductions when meeting them in the mornings.
Take time to learn about the interests of your co-workers and ask open-ended questions that encourage more than a “yes” or “no” answer. Look for a connection or common ground such as hobbies, interest areas, or similar backgrounds. Connections are made by talking and sincerely taking an interest in what others care about. Be a good listener…this will enable you to connect to the needs of others. You can ask questions about children, travel, education, recent work victories, etc. Rehearse potential conversations ahead of time to prepare yourself for future interactions. You can also find out about your colleagues through social media. For example, learn about if a co-worker has recently traveled, if they have children, what college they attended, etc.
Eye contact is also part of making a connection with someone. Observe what others are wearing and find something to give a compliment about. By looking for connections, you will master influential communication skills.
It is very important to attend company social events. In addition, after-work activities can provide opportunities to connect with colleagues in a less formal way.
Why Human Connection at Work is Important
If you show genuine interest in others, you will gain respect. You will attract high-caliber relationships and gain the confidence you need to navigate social and professional settings. By taking an interest in others, meeting and greeting your colleagues every morning, and attending social events for your company, you will enhance your social fluency. You will also grow in persuasive communication skills, deeper connections, and influence.
Last but certainly not least, look for special occasions to give treats to co-workers. Examples include chocolate, cookies, tea, or something that you got while on a trip. Little gifts of remembrance make the world brighter and strengthen relationships.
A Personal Story
To summarize, I must share a sweet story about my mom. On my first day of high school, I remember being scared and nervous. My mom baked a pound cake, sliced it into large pieces and placed each piece into a plastic bag. She told me to greet all my new teachers with a slice of cake. Wow! As a result, my teachers were always available to help, and I had four wonderful years of high school. I followed this tradition by always taking my colleagues a slice of cake. At 89 years old, my mom continues to make new connections every day with little gifts and a slice of cake from the heart.
Missed the last column? Click here to read: Burdet-tiquette: The Classy Way To Handle Dinner With Your Ex And His New Bride
Lisa Burdette is the founder of The Dallas School of Etiquette, where she trains everyone from executives to cadets in the timeless art of courtesy. A mother of six and a graduate of Auburn University, she has studied etiquette in London, Paris, Washington, and beyond. She believes true etiquette isn’t about being fancy — it’s about how you make people feel.
Readers can send their etiquette questions to [email protected]