For much of my life, I viewed anger as an emotion that held a negative stigma.
Growing up, I was taught that raising my voice meant losing my audience, and displaying anger signaled a loss of control.
As a woman, I internalized the idea that a “true lady” never loses her composure. So, I buried my anger, suppressing it until it festered into anxiety, shame, and even physical discomfort.
It took years into my adulthood to realize that my suppressed anger was suffocating my voice and my God-given right to feel.
Through this journey, I recently encountered a woman whose self-righteous demeanor and manipulative behavior became a turning point.
Her actions, cloaked in overzealous and whitewashed piety, revealed the essence of what I had been wrestling with accepting as acceptable: righteous anger—anger rooted in justice, truth, and the defense of what is right.
As silly as it may sound, I am thankful for this woman, as she was the tipping point that allowed me to express my anger to not only stand up for myself but for others who have had their voices silenced by cynicism and judgment.
Expressing anger, when channeled wisely, is not a sin but a signal that something is amiss, a call to protect the boundaries God has entrusted to us.
The world often mislabels emotional expression as weakness, especially for women. I once believed that being emotional meant being considered dramatic and hysterical, but scripture shows us otherwise.
Jesus himself expressed righteous anger when He overturned the tables in the temple (John 2:15-16), not out of personal offense but out of zeal for God’s house.
Like Christ, we are called to discern when anger is justified.
For years, I gave so much grace to others—friends and foes alike—that I silenced my voice.
I absorbed their emotions, leaving no room for my own.
A pivotal encounter with this woman taught me a powerful lesson: those who bristle at your boundaries or project their vitriol onto you are often reflecting their own unresolved issues.
“Whoever is patient has great understanding, but one who is quick-tempered displays folly,” (Proverbs 14:29).
True wisdom lies in recognizing when to confront, when to set boundaries, and when to walk away.
I recall someone telling me that “a grievance without a solution is merely a complaint.” This is true.
Sometimes the solution is a firm boundary — even the end of a relationship.
Manipulation often hides behind false politeness, love-bombing, or apologies that fail to change behavior.
We are not called to enmesh ourselves with those who exhibit a pattern of manipulation.
Instead, we are to “guard our hearts” (Proverbs 4:23).
When confronting such behavior, we have two choices: address the issue directly or establish boundaries silently.
If we choose confrontation, it’s important that your intention is not to seek validation. You don’t need approval or validation from another to confirm or validate what happened in your life — we already know what happened because we’ve lived it, and God knows.
Rather, confrontation is meant to firmly and with intention separate what is safe from what is not.
As Ephesians 4:15 instructs, we are to speak the truth in love, ensuring our words reflect reality without minimizing the pain or impact of the situation.
Granted, in the heat of the moment, our delivery may falter, but our intention should be firmly rooted in prayer, confirmed by scripture, and held with the peace of the Holy Spirit.
After confronting someone and setting boundaries, you may feel a mix of emotions — from being grateful for using your voice to feeling remorseful that you were not nearly as polished and composed as you had hoped. You may even feel sorrow for the loss of a relationship or feel uncomfortable that you feel zero sorrow.
And yet, peace comes from knowing that you honored your God-given intuition, that you were justified in your anger, not harmful, and that you spoke not to elicit a reaction or validation, but rather to inform.
You are not responsible for how others react to your stand for truth.
As Romans 12:18 says, “If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all.”
Peace does not mean continually sacrificing your internal harmony to please others for the sake of external harmony.
Remember to offer yourself the soothing compassion Christ extends to you.
Acknowledge your humanity while resting in truth.
Sometimes, the solution isn’t reconciliation but release — freedom from relationships or dynamics that hinder your peace and purpose for Christ.
As you move forward, trust that the Holy Spirit will guide you to discern when anger is righteous and how to express it in a way that glorifies Him.
Anger is not a sin; it’s a God-given emotion meant to stir us toward justice and truth.
When we suppress it, we risk silencing the voice God has given us. When we wield it wisely, we reflect His heart for righteousness.
Stand firm in biblical truth, set boundaries with courage, and trust God to lead you into peace.
Your voice matters. Your emotions are valid. And your anger, when rooted in truth, can be a holy fire that burns away what is false and lights the path to freedom.
This column was initially published by CherryRoad Media. For more inspirational articles, follow ©Tiffany Kaye Chartier.