I confess that I am guilty of loving some people so fiercely that my heart keeps beating to the pulse of their memory despite them being gone.
In this, I find myself grieving for not only what was but also for what will never be.
I realize that wounded hearts still love, even if they love quietly, to convince ourselves that we have moved on. In truth, we may have moved on, but we take with us remnants of love and loving — tokens of time that we use to purchase one more moment, even if it is only lived in memory.
I have found myself inviting memories to play in the present, imagining what it would be like if so-in-so were still here… thinking they would love today. We would be doing such-and-such and probably smiling the entire time. If this is folly, then I am a fool.
I find that my mind can wander far beyond the places my feet take me. In this tussle for attention and time, I have come to understand that we reside in several places, sometimes simultaneously: in memories, in the imagination, in the moment, and in the mystery of the unknown.
The mind, body, and soul are capable of incredible feats, some of which are unfathomable. We can live in chronic pain, mentally and physically, and still find ways to laugh, sometimes at ourselves. And we can bear witness to hatred and indifference day after day and still choose to be kind.
Life is a trigger that sometimes aims straight at the heart.
Simply walking amongst a crowd, we can become transported to another world by the fragrance of a woman’s perfume, the taste of honey dripping from the sun, the touch of a fabric that we accidentally brush up against, or the sound of giggling children.
We are driven by a deep-seated longing to love and be loved.
This powerful and complex force can sometimes make us hold on to relationships that are no longer serving us or let go of those who might have been worth fighting for. But as we navigate this journey of love, we realize that life is so much more than just the beginning and the end of a relationship. It is a breathtaking tale of excitement, wonder, mystery, heartbreak, laughter, tears, growth, spirituality, and passion. Each moment is a new chapter in our story. Plots twist and turn, and characters may come and go, but the one thing that remains constant is the quest for love and connection.
In a society that is often disconnected and starved of positivity and companionship, we seek refuge in our thoughts despite being neglectful gatekeepers of what we allow to consume our minds and energy.
Lingering in contemplation, we traverse the realms of past, present, and future in search of a meaningful connection – drifting from past to present and beyond, searching for something to hold onto, or better put, someone to hold onto — someone who will hold us back without holding us back.
In our search for belonging and purpose, we often become brokenhearted people who put too much responsibility for our contentment on other brokenhearted people. As a result, many become jaded and soured by the fleeting nature of sincerity, empathy, and trustworthiness.
We may notice more and more that we are becoming a society suffering from a lack of decency and devotion and an overabundance of deprivation and depravation.
As individuals who strive to follow Christ, we glean our fields, gather the fragments of suffering and joy, and offer them entirely to God. We relinquish all that was, is, and will be into His compassionate and capable hands. By doing so, we realize that although we are wounded, we can still love, and we can heal.
We realize that what we are experiencing is all in a lifetime, but there is life beyond this time.
“For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life” (John 3:16).
This column was initially published by CherryRoad Media. ©Tiffany Kaye Chartier.
