School has started, and soon, parents will ask their children the common question: How was your day?
Parents learn, however, that most kids quickly reply with one-word answers such as “fine” or “good” when neither may be true. Unfortunately, many parents and children are so burdened with their own responsibilities, schedules, and thoughts that the conversation ends there.
Here are ten questions to ask your children after school. Pick a few and see what happens. I am sure you can think of many more, so if you have some you would like to share, please add them to the comments — we would love to hear them!
- What was your high/low? (The best and worst part of your day.)
- Tell me how you helped someone today.
- What did you learn today that you didn’t know yesterday?
- If your day was a movie, what would you call it?
- What made you smile or laugh today?
- What kindness did you witness today?
- What happened today to you or someone else that made you upset or disappointed?
- What are you looking forward to or feeling anxious about tomorrow?
- What is one thing I can do to help with everything you have going on?
- Ask me one question about my day.
Creating a habit of engagement is essential to keeping your child’s mental health a priority. Even if your child is not a talker, having them become accustomed to knowing you will be asking open-ended questions is a good practice that may pay dividends later if (and when) your child has a crisis.
“Mental health is just as important as physical health,” wrote Claire McCarthy, MD, Senior Faculty Editor, Harvard Health Publishing.
Remember this: Some of the best conversations can happen during a car ride. When you have your child in the car, that’s a good time to talk. They may open up more because they know you can’t stare at them while you’re driving, and they have no place to hide.
“We have to make sure that we are listening to them, that we are having open dialogue and conversations about them, about their mental health,” said Tonja Myles, Huntsman Family Foundation community engagement advisor. “Suicide is a leading cause of death among youth, according to the CDC, and we have to address that.”
Listen and validate.
You don’t have to intervene each time a new problem arises. Sometimes, the best thing you can do is let your child know they are not alone and that what they are feeling is worth exploring and sharing.
Let your child know that you’re not perfect and that you also have days when you struggle.
Share with your children what you do to lift yourself out of a bad mood or a worrisome time. This can help them understand that even grown-ups don’t have it all figured out, but being willing to share is a mature, brave, and wise choice.
