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9:02 pm, Dec 06
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The Southwest Airlines Gestapo


Southwest airlines. | Image by raksyBH on iStock

I’m on a Southwest Airlines flight as I write this.  Flight 4624 from New York La Guardia to Dallas Love Field on Tuesday, November 16.

I was first in line to board the flight when the less-than charming lady at the ticket counter informed me that while I was indeed wearing a mask, the holes in the mask were not sufficiently small enough.  Huh?

She grabbed a separate mask, gave it to me, and said I had to wear this new mask instead.  I obeyed dutifully; as I was being let on the plane, I informed her that she appeared to be the local mask police.

So once on the plane, I (of course) dumped that dumb trashy mask that the less-than-pleasant woman handed me. But what I anticipated would happen, indeed happened…

While on the ground and sitting in my seat, one of the flight attendants also informed me that my mask didn’t have sufficiently small holes.   Never before has anyone ever told me that my mask holes were too large (sounds pornographic, I know).

So, smelling a rat, I asked her exactly what the mask-hole standard was.  She, of course, didn’t know, but Miss Charming from the ticket counter rushed over to help out this (actually quite pleasant) flight attendant that she put up to do her dirty follow-up work of full-fledged mask-policing.

I then told the ticket counter lady that I presumed she ratted me out for allegedly insufficiently large holes.  She then threatened to kick me off the airplane because I “called her the mask police” and “said I ratted her out.”

Really Southwest Airlines? This is how you train your workforce? Threaten your passengers with eviction because of those two comments? Have you guys become Snowflake Airlines instead?

I understand the need to enforce the Federal Government’s regulation for passengers to wear masks no matter how anyone feels about it.  But to enforce some arbitrary hole size?  I didn’t see any standard set on the SWA website.

Note:  Searching for “mask hole size” turned up nothing, lol.  Perhaps Southwest could provide an online training video instructing passengers and potential passengers on the proper method to measure mask holes. Good Lord.

That ticket counter lady was quite huffy and angry.  I thought SWA was the “Luv” airline.  What in the world is going on at Snowflake Airlines?